Princess Lois has been kidnapped by Anatoly the Handsome, who wants to marry her. Cue 'damsel in distress' to be rescued by none other than our own heroic Blart. He sets out on the good ship The Golden Pigwith Olaf the innocent - who believes what everyone says all the time - and Kupverstich the Strange - an explorer-come-scientist whose ingenious explanations for the natural world have one thing in common: they're all wrong. They must battle cut-throat pirates, a sixteen-tentacled octopus, escape the suffocating bureaucracy of Triplicat, where they are briefly marooned, not to mention evade the Guild of Assassins, who have a contract to kill Blart, in their selfless (well, almost) bid to rescue poor Lois. But will they make it in time?